Domenico’s Passive-Aggressive Sandwich
three cups of impatience
a pinch of frustration
a teaspoon of need for shopping
a piece of artisan bread
a slice of ham
a cherry tomato
Instructions:
1) Make a mental list of all the things you want to buy in your favorite store.
2) In the morning, take a shower, get dressed and look at the watch while your partner oversleeps.
3) Once frustration and impatience start overflowing, wake them up.
4) Your partner’s going to ask you for something to eat. Go to the kitchen and show them how much you enjoyed the wait.
5) Put a plate on the table.
6) Take the first knife you find and cut a slice of bread.
7) Put the bread on the plate with the more uneven side facing up.
8) Drop the ham on the bread and leave it as it falls. Put your feelings into the food you’re preparing.
9) Put the cherry tomato in the middle of the sandwich.
10) Put on your coat, sit by the table and watch the door, trying to match your facial expression to what you want to evoke through the sandwich to create a comprehensive experience.
11) If everything goes according to plan, your partner won’t like it, and you’ll get to leave sooner, tempting them with a promise of fresh food on the go.